I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms

  • teacher: are there any classes you are struggling with?
  • me: the bourgeois
  • teacher: what
  • me: what
  • karl marx: nice
  • plot twist: you wake up for school fully rested and ready to socialize
  • likeadamnfiddle:




    video game: *autosaves at a weird/out of place/oddly random time*
    me: uh oh

    video game: *conveniently gives you lots of health kits and ammo*

    me: fuck

    video game: *suddenly goes uncharacteristically silent*
    me: shit

    video game: *protagonist relives happy memories nearly the end of the game*

    me: here it comes


    @myself what the fuck are you doing


    reasons I can relate to a possum:

    -tired & unkempt, smells weird
    -emotions ranging from “displeased” to “existential scream”
    -no work ethic
    -lies around looking dead when overwhelmed
    -will eat trash & live amongst trash if left to own devices
    -sometimes you feel bad and feed it a sandwich